There’s always one detail that gives away the guilt-ridden soul, and for Julie, my former tenant, it was her paper towel habit. Whenever I asked if she wanted to ride along with me to Target or Costco, she’d say, “Yes, gotta get some paper towels.” At one of her many parties, I used the bathroom and washed my hands, and noticed there were no hand towels. I yelled with wet hands dripping, “Where are the towels?” She said, “Just use the paper towels – cloth towels spread germs.”

I immediately flashed on high school English class and Sister Clarissa talking about Lady Macbeth. At the time, I didn't know why. I have that kind of mind – one that jumps from point 3 to point 18 without a blink. Some call it intuitive – I have a sense about what’s going on out there but I don’t always know why I know it. It’s a deeper knowing, maybe a sixth sense. My mind presents me with flashes that are images, almost always visual images, just for a tenth of a second or so. We all have these flashes but have no idea where to go with the truth our mind presents us in the moment.

Like when my friend Jennifer – who is going for chemo for her cancer – told me she was not allowed to get chemo that week because her blood platelet count was at 67 and needed to be 100. She asked me if I had any ideas. I glanced down and saw an image of me sweeping the kitchen floor, and remembered the little pile of city soot and cat food crumbles – all the stuff you don’t know where it comes from, but if you sweep and sweep, there’s a little pile. And I knew right away to tell her that there are platelets hiding in her body, and if she just swept and swept from head to toe, she’d find the missing 33. And she did. And after two or three days of visualizing the platelets, she swept them into being.

But back to the paper towel vs. cloth towel situation. My deeper unconscious knew that, of course, you can’t get rid of germs and bacteria. They are a part of life. I had a hunch that germs, in the mind of this troubled young woman – who did turn out to be a thief and a con artist – are code for "guilt." There's no easy way to get rid of guilt, which, I realized later, is why I flashed on the thought of Lady Macbeth saying,“Out, out, damned spot.” I remember Sister Clarissa saying that no matter how much Lady Macbeth washed her hands, she couldn’t get rid of her guilt for the murder. And even now, I think how brilliant Shakespeare was to use that re-worked image from the Bible, where after Pontius Pilate gave Jesus up to the Romans, who’d eventually torture and crucify him, Pilate washed his hands, as if to say, I know I’m guilty, so I’ll wash my guilt away. But we still remember his guilt even 2,000 years later
.
And what about guilt? What basic emotion does guilt flow from? Maybe a touch of sadness and some anger, but to me, guilt is about being scared. Guilt is on the same continuum as Fear. I don’t think you ever feel guilty unless you are scared deep down. And Shame is somewhere in there too. Paper towels, I believe, are a metaphor for mopping up messes – dirt, grime, germs – guilt but not owning it. You soak it up and you throw it away. It’s gone. And I believe in my heart Julie knows she is guilty, and sooner or later, the running away will exhaust her. At least I hope so.

Now the irony – or the synchronicity – of this whole story is this: the Universe is always telling us something and it’s our job to notice and decode it. The story I’m about to relate is also a pitch for writing in a journal, documenting your life, no matter how boring or dangerous it is.

In my journal, I recorded on April 12: "A woman named Julie came to see the rental apartment yesterday. She liked it and will bring her live-in boyfriend, Bill, and her 11-year-old daughter back to see it later on today." They came back, liked the apartment, and moved in May 2.

That very night of April 12, I was leaving for a meeting and opened my back door, and there, on the second story porch landing, right outside my door, was a raccoon. I live in Chicago, a city with houses close together, with no forest preserve nearby. I’ve lived in this home for 18 years and have never seen a raccoon before and never have again. The raccoon quickly scampered away.

I went to my meeting, but when I returned, I was still so amazed and disturbed by this strange animal crossing my path that I sat at the computer and googled “animal totems, raccoon” and found a wonderful website that spelled out what Native American elders have written about strange, out-of-the-ordinary animals crossing your path.

I printed the entry for raccoon and pasted it in my journal: “One of the most striking features of the raccoon is the mask that it wears. Although some associate this with thievery, it actually gives the raccoon a very powerful mystical symbolism. When we wear a mask we are no longer whom we thought…This is the magic of raccoon. It is an expert at disguise and secrecy. It knows how to wear masks for a variety of purposes…Raccoon holds the knowledge of transformation through masks and disguise…do you need to present a different face to people for greater success? Are you hiding your true self? Are others hiding their true self? Raccoon can help you find the answers. If a raccoon has shown up, you may see its influence for an extended time…plan on using about a 20-week cycle from when it appears to when its influence will wane.”

From April 23, when Julie officially signed the lease, to September 10, when she moved out, was exactly 21 weeks!

Re-reading my journal in December, I understood that the Universe was warning me that night in April, that someone hiding their true self was about to enter my energy field. As Soren Kierkegaard once said: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

And so, the pitch for documenting your life is important. You may not think that a small detail like meeting someone in your busy day may be important in your life, or that a strange animal – even a dragonfly or spider or raccoon – will indicate a something bubbling below the surface of your life. The lesson is pay attention and be aware.

Lynn Staudacher, who describes herself as a "provocateur and creative catalyst," is a professional astrologer and the creator of TRANCE-Formations and Wanna Write - learning experiences that help individuals and groups bring forth their creative intuitive. Learn more at her website: http://www.paths2awareness.com/